Second Thoughts.

It's 3:39 AM and i feel...great!

I fell asleep at the earliest time around 10 pm, considering the fact that I haven't been sleeping at a normal time lately. It just feels so great when I get enough sleep in my body that my body naturally wakes up. I like the feeling of getting up refreshed and content to go about my day. Honestly, I haven't felt this way for a while. It just feels as if time is passing and I'm mostly unaware of it.

My solution? smoke up.

Yes. Smoking helps with sleep and when done with a good friend always helps with the time passing. So, when i'm upset, i'll smoke and forget about it because why do i need to think about it? it just stresses me out and makes me miserable. I should just go about my daily grind, go home, smoke, go to sleep. Sounds good to me. I don't need to think or do anything that I know i'll regret later. I don't have to care or do anything about anything. Unless of course, I really needed to. But i just want to do my thing, hang out with friends, draw, sleep, anything that doesn't give me second thoughts to do. Why is that so hard for me during my daily life? It seems that when I smoke, I am a more honest me. I do and say things that come to mind, though most of those things are kind of silly in retrospect but nevertheless more honest than if I were to think of doing it when Im not intoxicated.

I always think too much.

I hate that about myself because sometimes I wish I would just grow some balls and shut up. I tell other people to do it, yet I can't seem to talk myself out of thinking twice. Seriously, it's pissing me off because truly deep down, I don't give a shit! So it seems that I am hyper paranoid and overreacting but it's just me asking myself over and over again, why don't i really care? I always feel like I should but I just really don't, yet sometimes I can convince myself that I do. When that happens, I don't necessarily feel sad or anything but just unreal.

Feeling unreal. I've been feeling unreal. that's just crazy talk but it isn't. I have been feeling out of place and away from things. When I find myself driving or on the road, I feel like my body is on autopilot and my mind is just floating. Sounds a bit nerve racking and dangerous, i probably shouldn't be doing it but I can't help it. It just kicks in sometimes and when I realize that it is happening, I shake out of it. Am i insane?

It's not like i think about anything serious, mostly just things that seem nice and dreamy. That's nice right? It's like I'm laying in an opium house fucking day dreaming all day but never actually getting anything done.

Quit dreaming, Don't have second thoughts. Smoke, and do what you got to do.

Perhaps that is what I just need to do, maybe minus the smoking part but really, that's just an added bonus.