For 142 dollars, I do not have a gum disease.

So two weeks ago, my mom sent me to this new dentist on Beacon to get a simple check-up. You know, just to make sure everything is going well and that my teeth aren't completely yellow from smoking, yet. I was kind of excited, i never hated the dentist as much as other people say they do. I was just happy to get my teeth cleaned.

My dentist is this little old mandarin man, a sweet man with a gentle voice and genuine characteristics. He's apparently the dentist for my whole entire family so he was totally cool with me. He was all extra nice talking to me about my mom, making sure I have the right insurance, and just overall really welcoming. I was enjoying my time just chillin' on the lounge-like dentist chair which i personally find quite comfortable, and i'm all about when they do the whole lowering of the top and bottom part of the chair. Well, it was when he was looking at my teeth with his little mirror that he stopped everything, took off his little glasses, and gave me a grave stare. He then told me I had a gum disease.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

what is this shit? what fucking gum disease? I mean like ok, minus the smoking, and my not so completely perfect dental care, i thought i was fine! He then continued to explain that there's a lot of gunk stuck in between my gums and that if that isn't taken care of, it is going to transform into a vile disease that will not only rot the inside of my mouth but will deform my jaw bone structure.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

Crazy talk I thought. I don't feel shit, but i didn't doubt the grandpa, he most likely knew what he was talking about right? So he schedules me for deep cleaning which is when they shoot your mouth with novocaine so that they can use really itty bitty sharp instruments to dig into your gums for gunk. I mean, i've had four teeth pulled out once, and that wasn't so bad. Wait, i don't remember. Shit.

So, today was the day that I had to go in for that. He told me before that there would be novocaine and some digging into the gums. I went in, sat down, and repeated my little meditation inside my head to help me relax and keep calm. It's very simple actually, it really just goes like this:

SHUT THE FUCK UP
SHUT THE FUCK UP
SHUT THE FUCK UP
SHUT THE FUCK UP
DON'T BE A PUSSY
JUST DO IT
SHUT THE FUCK UP

Yeah, it works every time.

So he shoots the damn needles into my mouth, I 'shut the fuck up' and take it.

GOD IS SCRAPING OF THE TEETH THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE FEELING OF ALL TIME. It is this uncomfortably tingly sensation that starts from your bones and runs down to your toe bones! GOD it was JUST SO UNCOOL. Now I know why people HATE the dentist so much and really, after that, I despise the dentist.

Then I thought, ok, my mouth is numb, that didn't hurt so bad. He stops what he's doing and tells me that "OH! I don't really need to do the whole mouth because parts of your teeth are actually fine! I was just doing this so that you won't be in danger of a gum disease! You're all done!"

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

fricken chinese doctors in america.

So i'm like, whatever like it's over and I don't have to deal with this. I want a burrito. So i get out to the front desk and he's mumbling some things to his secretary about my payment and I'm like "oh! can you just bill my mom?" and he was like, "well, since i cleaned two parts of your mouth, i'm really suppose to charge you more, but i'm going to give you a discount...but you still have this fifty dollar deductible and about the billing, billing is a bit of a hassle so we try not to..." I'm like, "ok how much is it?" The secretary lady looks over the computer and says to me "495 dollars."

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

wait just kidding hah, she then goes "oh but your insurance covers about eighty percent so plus the deductible, it's like 142 dollars."

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

fuck me. I paid. Got out. Got a burrito and went home to sting my numb mouth with a shit load of hot sauce. I can't believe I just paid 142 dollars for a gun disease I didn't have. fuck doctors. you guys suck.